Great Ideas: Digicam Quickdraw

How this escaped me before, I'll never have any clue. Why on earth aren't we having high-noon showdowns anymore? Maybe it's because of the blood, exposing children to violence, loud noises which might scare our horses, or perhaps that accessorizing for a revolver has not quite come back as quick as bell bottoms. I think the answer to obliterate(in a non-violent way) this question lies within the awesome power of the digital camera.

With the digicam quickdraw, you have definitive proof of who snapped the schot first, just by looking at the lcd screens. Naturally, there are better models of cameras for the quickdraw, but are you willing to spend the extra dough just to make sure that you win that next draw. It's no longer about life and death, but about not having your picture taken with your camera aimed provocatively at your crotch. For shame, young pervert.

Great Ideas: The Pee Room

In an attempt to create a more European flare in my life, I've decided that at some point along the way, I would like a pee wall in my house. Imagine, if you will, a urinal posted on a wall only extended from one wall to the other. An entire wall you can pee on! When you flip the light switch upon entering the bathroom, it starts a waterfall which washes the entire wall.

"That's a good start," you say, "but I need more." Alright, how about this: we put a scoreboard at the top of the wall, and two large buttons at opposite ends. A timer starts when you begin urination, and you have to sprint back and forth from one end to the other, trying to get the highest score. Naturally, there will be a high score record maintained.

"Now you're talkin'," you say, "but would I want to drive fifteen minutes just to pee on your wall?" Well, no. Not if that was the final plan, so lets up the ante a bit. Scratch the wall; make the entire room the urinal, and have a rotating platform in the middle, surrounded by targets on four sides. It keeps the spirit of the competition alive, while adding a difficulty and freedom to the experience.

"Holy cow, that's amazing!" you exclaim. Perhaps, but in order to make this phenomenon achieve international appeal, it needs more beef. And so, the final touch to the Pee Room: A hydraulic char/lift. Now you have 16 different targets all at different levels which will light in random order giving you the opportunity to create an amusement ride out of your next bathroom trip!

"That sounds like you'd pee on yourself quite a bit." Well, we are prepared for such problems, which is why there is a dressing room corridor, where you strip down before entering, and which will also hose you off before you adorn your t-shirt and jeans once again.

"Never before has urination been so fascinating." -Chicago Sun Times

Random Thought of the Day

I know funny, because I make funny.

Random Thought of the Day

Of all the things that robots and machines could take over from humans, I think the one I am most comfortable with is washing dishes.

What Animal Would I Be?

Far more important than your favorite letter (R), or your favorite number (3), or even your favorite Teletubby (Tinky Winky), is the question of your favorite animal. But I'm going one step further, and I am going to ask of myself, and make a case for what animal I would want to be.
I would want to be a turtle.

Upsides:

- Turtles don't give a crap what you have to say about anything, they're just always mellow.

- Ability to change into "Leave me the f- alone" mode without much work/fit throwing.

- Hard candy shell prevents melting in mouth and hand.

- Only needs to know how to count to four, afer that, no more digits = unimportant.

- Works on land and water.

- Drop babies in a hole in the ground and walk away.

- Not as harvested as chickens.

- Everyone thinks it's cool when they see you

Downsides:

- Almost guaranteed not to win an Olympic Gold Medal.

- Genetic mutations not quite as cool as other species. (Splinter > Leonardo)

- Worse hops than white men.

- No more steaks.

All in all, I'd say not a bad swap. I'd be alright being a turtle.

Random Thought of the Day

I never realized the irony of the line "I'm gonna drop you like a bad habit." The bad habits are the ones we never seem to shake, unless of course you're talking about an old nun's habit...in which case close your eyes.

Random Thought of the Day

What substance to you have to add one of in order to turn a biscuit into a triscuit?

Pwnage!!1!!onety-one!!!

This post is intended for Joel Brown. Joel, I just want you to know that you are not the only person that can only see the bottom of my foot...


This is one half of my reward from the recent overnighter with the youth. This is my Super Bowl Championship ring from Madden 07. The other half is a pizza box with the tournament results. WG wrapped it all up with a 42-24 clubbing of the favored team. Other accomplishments on the evening included a Fussball championship, and repeated drubbings on Guitar Hero one and two. Thank goodness we didn't play marbles, cuz those kids would've gone home poor.
And while I admit that owning kids (some of which are half my age) was fun, it was more fun to just play. Sure I may seem like a jwek for my boasting, but hey at least I own it, right?

Mad props for owning my pwning skillz!!!

(p.s. I'm sorry mom, I'll play nice next time)

A Moment to Reflect

As I drove to the store at 3am this morning, I was caught by some words that were on the front of my shirt. I was wearing the green (dare I say MSU Spartan-esque) samplarian t-shirt. The words down at the bottom of the shirt read: "...it's freakin' sweet!" You might notice a striking similarity between these words, and the address of this blog (imfreakinsweet.blogspot.com, if you had forgot).
What many of you, in fact probably all save one, would not know is how this phrase became part of my common parlance. As you have experienced, I'm prone to spontaneously creating phrases, but this one I cannot take all the credit for. This was in fact a joint effort between myself and the recently deceased Josh Vore.
Despite Josh's affinity towards watching Gilmore Girls (which was beyond me), he, Jeremie, other TLS folks, and myself frequently enjoyed playing rounds of Halo. Jokingly, when Jeremie dominated one such round, Josh and I began laughing about how Jeremie boasted about his Halo skills: "Well, you guys put up a good fight, but you never really had a chance. I mean I am just freakin' sweet at this game." And so that became our inside joke, and every time something happened wherein someone won a game of anything, the mocking cry of "I'm so freakin' sweet, it's not your fault," came out. Frequently, this became the defining quote of Josh and my games of Horse on Lukas' toy basketball hoop. "Freakin' sweet" was our joke.
I had forgotten that until I was on the road, making that urgent 3am WalMart run. Then I looked at my shirt, and then it hit: this is a phrase that I have used countless times at seminary, in Virginia, on the Internet, and in all walks of life. But it never hit me of how I was completely in debt to Josh for what I considered to be one of my more humorous utterances.
The reality of missing Josh won't hit fully until I'm around one of the Vores, no doubt. But now, as I see and hear this phrase all around me, it will no doubt bring back the memories of its foundations. I'm gonna miss that boy, he was freakin' sweet.

Random Thought of the Day

Ants, like humans, scurry around with little concern for whatever living things surround them; that is, until someone tries to squish them.

Brief Order for Confession Time

No forgiveness necessary, just gettin the word out. This here's what I made two months ago and I wanted to post it on the refridgerator for display.
Rockin even in the belly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random Thought of the Day

What's gonna happen when an atheist wins an oscar? They're not gonna be able to start their speech.

Jesus in My Cookie?!?!

You be the judge...

I would like it to be known that this photo was not doctored in any sense of the term, nor was the cookie manipulated in any way to create a face. This was naturally occuring on the inside of a peanut butter patty cookie.

Things Learned During Internship #1

Yes, it's sad to start a list of things learned on internship nearly 7 months in, but hey, better now than ever. So I've decided to gather together list of practical things that I've gleaned. Technically this isn't the first thing I've posted that belongs in this list, but just bear with me, I'm a "P" for cryin out loud:

Admitting that you're clueless on sparse occasions makes it seem like your brilliant when you keep your mouth shut on all other occasions.