I would want to be a turtle.
Upsides:
- Turtles don't give a crap what you have to say about anything, they're just always mellow.
- Ability to change into "Leave me the f- alone" mode without much work/fit throwing.
- Hard candy shell prevents melting in mouth and hand.
- Only needs to know how to count to four, afer that, no more digits = unimportant.
- Works on land and water.
- Drop babies in a hole in the ground and walk away.
- Not as harvested as chickens.
- Everyone thinks it's cool when they see you
Downsides:
- Almost guaranteed not to win an Olympic Gold Medal.
- Genetic mutations not quite as cool as other species. (Splinter > Leonardo)
- Worse hops than white men.
- No more steaks.
All in all, I'd say not a bad swap. I'd be alright being a turtle.
