Thanks to Dave and his People Who Should Get Rabies list and Chrisy and her 2x4 list, I have been inspired to continue my "People Who Need to be Punched in the Face" list.
Current addition: (play on the word edition (I chuckled once then realized it wasn't funny)) The Guy Who Sold Me My Car.
The story begins with him being in the unfortunate situation of trying to replace the Green Dragon, which is a spot I wish on nobody. The new car ran smoothly until about a week ago (two weeks after purchase) when the window stopped working, locking it in the "rolled down" position. I took it to a local shop, they said, "$360 bucks", I said, "I'll talk to 'The Guy Who Sold Me My Car'". There was an issue with the door when they sold it to me that they said they'd fix so they agreed to fix the window too, in case they were related.
Well, as you may have heard, Tropical Storm Ernesto is creeping its way up the coast, and is currently making Virginia rainy. The brilliant idea of "The Guy Who Sold Me My Car" was that I should drop the car off to them the evening before their mechanic came in, so he could look at it first thing. Which is a good idea, unless it is raining and your window won't roll up.
I drove 45 minutes in the (not pouring but definitely coming down) rain. Then when I got there, he had already left for the evening. After standing outside for a half an hour, assuming that I had misheard his words for the meeting, I called the building. We could hear the phone ringing inside, and the answering machine pick up. Well, on the answering machine there was an additional number to call, so I dialed it. He picked up promptly, and told me that he had called our house about 5 minutes before we got there to tell us he wasn't going to be there, and we could drop the car off and leave the key in the slot. This being after I talked to him the day before and confirmed that he would be there at the appointed time.
Now I'm not saying that there couldn't have been an emergency, but I'm gathering from the drunken voices of men yelling on the phone when I called that he wasn't in the hospital worried about his baby girl. Jwek. He's so on the punch in the face list that it isn't funny.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Sunday, August 13, 2006
First sermon in a strange new land
Since the pattern seems to be that internship sermons get posted on blogs, I decided to throw mine out there. I didn't particularly like how it turned out, but I don't know why. It got a lot of positive feedback from the congregation though, with one man almost in tears. Oh well, maybe you can figure out why I didn't like it that much:
I love the characters in John’s Gospel. Typically in the Bible we come across people that really hit our situation and our place in life, and I have to say that in general, I identify quite closely to the people we meet in John. I’m speaking specifically in this reading about the Jews. While they are plural, in this part of John’s Gospel they are lumped together to act as one “person”.
There is something common to a lot of the people that we meet in John, they come off as absolute fools. Let me give you a few examples: Nicodemus, upon hearing that we must be “born again” or “born from above”, begins to wonder about how he is going to crawl back into his mother’s womb; or the disciples, when they are suggesting that Jesus eat food**, and he replies, “I have food to eat that you do not know about”, they say to one another, “No one brought him any food, right?” It is indicative of people who for one reason or another, just don’t seem to catch on.
In this particular reading, we see a similar situation develop. After all, if we can prove who Jesus’ father and mother are, then there is no way that he came down from heaven. Oh, my, you silly, silly fools. This shows a different misunderstanding which resonates with me, and maybe you can see if it touches you in the same way. You see once I get something stuck in my head, and I get it figured out, and I convince myself that it’s true there’s no way you’re getting rid of that, no way you’re gonna change my mind. I’ll give you an example – “When you’re getting ready to cook an oven bake pizza, what is the first step? (Check with congregation) Of course after removing the wrapper. The first step is to pre-heat the oven. Everybody knows that, but do you know what I do? I start the oven, and immediately stick the pizza in. Of course it’s not following the instructions, but for some reason, I have it stuck in my head that the proper way to cook that pizza is to not wait for the oven to warm up.
Anne Wilson Schaef calls that an addiction. From her book, “When Society Becomes an Addict”, she writes, “An addiction is anything that we are not willing to give up”. An addiction is anything that we are not willing to give up. It’s easy to talk about addiction when addressing things such as drug or alcohol abuse, when talking of lust, and talking of pride. These things which are either something we stand and point a finger at, or something that we lie about to ourselves and others. But addiction is so much more than the wrong that we see in others, and the behavior which we clearly recognize as wrong.
Jesus speaks of the tradition, of the manna in the wilderness. To draw that fresh in your minds, the Israelites were complaining to Moses that the Lord had led them out to this desolate landscape to let them die. The Lord responds by blanketing the ground with bread so that the Israelites may know that God is with them. This tradition is a staple which the Jews can refer to when they fear that God has abandoned them.
Jesus completely breaks down their addiction to their tradition. Do you remember that time when bread came down from heaven? When your ancestors hunger was quenched by God? Well, what happened to your ancestors? They all died! This beautiful story which reminded the people that there was hope when everything seemed tragically lost, now has lost all its punch, because the end result is that the people died…the same thing they feared before they even had bread to eat.
Imagine the things that keep you comfortable. Like your job**, or your house, or your family. These things, we have come to be thankful for because God has given them to us. But these very things, our blessings which we confess in the offertory prayer as gifts, are the same things that get in our way, and become our addictions. For the Jews, it was their tradition, their stories of God’s action with them, and maybe for us, our tradition might have that same effect.
Things just aren’t the same way they used to be. Look around, if you haven’t seen things changing then you haven’t been paying attention. But I’ll be darned if I ever let that oven get warm before I put that pizza in there.
I joke about the pizza, but I couldn’t be more serious about addictions. There’s a test to see if you are addicted to something. Try doing something different. Do your morning routine without a cup of coffee, or sit in a different seat in the sanctuary. Talk with people you don’t usually sit with. Eventually, you will find something within you that does not like being changed. That’s an addiction.
What the Gospel speaks of today is the freedom from those addictions. What I gather from Jesus’ words is that I have no idea what bread is! Everything that I’ve been given, my car, the opportunity to stand up here and preach, my dumb little oven-bake pizzas, everything I see as bread, I see it as necessary for me to do what I need to do in the world. And Jesus calls, saying, “you’ve been thankful for all those things, but let me teach you what real bread is”.
This revelation that Jesus is not only bread but the only bread we’ll ever need works itself as both Law and Gospel. First, Jesus says “that bread that you’ve been eating, that you’ve been holding onto, it’s gonna die, and as a result, you’re going to die. But this bread, my body, my flesh, this bread from heaven I am giving you, because I care too much to see you die.” You see, we may be thankful for the things we have piled up in our houses, but Jesus is the true gift we have received from heaven.
When we come to the table this morning, remember the things we have that God has given us, recall our jobs, our wealth, our freedom, remember all these things and then hear the words of Jesus, that all these gifts mean so very little. Then come and receive the true bread, for this is God’s gift, this is God revealed to us most fully, God’s grace of eternal life that will no longer die. This bread, the true presence of Christ, will give you eternal life. Amen.
I love the characters in John’s Gospel. Typically in the Bible we come across people that really hit our situation and our place in life, and I have to say that in general, I identify quite closely to the people we meet in John. I’m speaking specifically in this reading about the Jews. While they are plural, in this part of John’s Gospel they are lumped together to act as one “person”.
There is something common to a lot of the people that we meet in John, they come off as absolute fools. Let me give you a few examples: Nicodemus, upon hearing that we must be “born again” or “born from above”, begins to wonder about how he is going to crawl back into his mother’s womb; or the disciples, when they are suggesting that Jesus eat food**, and he replies, “I have food to eat that you do not know about”, they say to one another, “No one brought him any food, right?” It is indicative of people who for one reason or another, just don’t seem to catch on.
In this particular reading, we see a similar situation develop. After all, if we can prove who Jesus’ father and mother are, then there is no way that he came down from heaven. Oh, my, you silly, silly fools. This shows a different misunderstanding which resonates with me, and maybe you can see if it touches you in the same way. You see once I get something stuck in my head, and I get it figured out, and I convince myself that it’s true there’s no way you’re getting rid of that, no way you’re gonna change my mind. I’ll give you an example – “When you’re getting ready to cook an oven bake pizza, what is the first step? (Check with congregation) Of course after removing the wrapper. The first step is to pre-heat the oven. Everybody knows that, but do you know what I do? I start the oven, and immediately stick the pizza in. Of course it’s not following the instructions, but for some reason, I have it stuck in my head that the proper way to cook that pizza is to not wait for the oven to warm up.
Anne Wilson Schaef calls that an addiction. From her book, “When Society Becomes an Addict”, she writes, “An addiction is anything that we are not willing to give up”. An addiction is anything that we are not willing to give up. It’s easy to talk about addiction when addressing things such as drug or alcohol abuse, when talking of lust, and talking of pride. These things which are either something we stand and point a finger at, or something that we lie about to ourselves and others. But addiction is so much more than the wrong that we see in others, and the behavior which we clearly recognize as wrong.
Jesus speaks of the tradition, of the manna in the wilderness. To draw that fresh in your minds, the Israelites were complaining to Moses that the Lord had led them out to this desolate landscape to let them die. The Lord responds by blanketing the ground with bread so that the Israelites may know that God is with them. This tradition is a staple which the Jews can refer to when they fear that God has abandoned them.
Jesus completely breaks down their addiction to their tradition. Do you remember that time when bread came down from heaven? When your ancestors hunger was quenched by God? Well, what happened to your ancestors? They all died! This beautiful story which reminded the people that there was hope when everything seemed tragically lost, now has lost all its punch, because the end result is that the people died…the same thing they feared before they even had bread to eat.
Imagine the things that keep you comfortable. Like your job**, or your house, or your family. These things, we have come to be thankful for because God has given them to us. But these very things, our blessings which we confess in the offertory prayer as gifts, are the same things that get in our way, and become our addictions. For the Jews, it was their tradition, their stories of God’s action with them, and maybe for us, our tradition might have that same effect.
Things just aren’t the same way they used to be. Look around, if you haven’t seen things changing then you haven’t been paying attention. But I’ll be darned if I ever let that oven get warm before I put that pizza in there.
I joke about the pizza, but I couldn’t be more serious about addictions. There’s a test to see if you are addicted to something. Try doing something different. Do your morning routine without a cup of coffee, or sit in a different seat in the sanctuary. Talk with people you don’t usually sit with. Eventually, you will find something within you that does not like being changed. That’s an addiction.
What the Gospel speaks of today is the freedom from those addictions. What I gather from Jesus’ words is that I have no idea what bread is! Everything that I’ve been given, my car, the opportunity to stand up here and preach, my dumb little oven-bake pizzas, everything I see as bread, I see it as necessary for me to do what I need to do in the world. And Jesus calls, saying, “you’ve been thankful for all those things, but let me teach you what real bread is”.
This revelation that Jesus is not only bread but the only bread we’ll ever need works itself as both Law and Gospel. First, Jesus says “that bread that you’ve been eating, that you’ve been holding onto, it’s gonna die, and as a result, you’re going to die. But this bread, my body, my flesh, this bread from heaven I am giving you, because I care too much to see you die.” You see, we may be thankful for the things we have piled up in our houses, but Jesus is the true gift we have received from heaven.
When we come to the table this morning, remember the things we have that God has given us, recall our jobs, our wealth, our freedom, remember all these things and then hear the words of Jesus, that all these gifts mean so very little. Then come and receive the true bread, for this is God’s gift, this is God revealed to us most fully, God’s grace of eternal life that will no longer die. This bread, the true presence of Christ, will give you eternal life. Amen.
Friday, August 11, 2006
The Greatest Story Ever Told: The Worst Movie Ever Filmed
For Adult Vacation Bible School here at St. Mark, we have been doing a series called "Jesus Goes to the Movies". The premise behind it all was to show movies that were made about Jesus and then discuss the theological implications that followed. Monday we watched Monty Python's The Life of Brian, Tuesday it was Jesus Christ Superstar, Wednesday The Last Temptation of Christ, and then came the treat to end all treats: The Greatest Story Ever Told.
Apparently, this thing had a $20 million budget in 1965! Like holy smokes, man. It was an absolute flop though, and with good reason. Imagine if you got inspiration to make a movie about Jesus, and then thought, "I want to take all the dull and exciting moments in the life of Jesus and synergize them with the captivating emotional power of the genealogy narratives." Yeah. There was one redeeming quality to the movie. John Wayne plays the centurion who says, "Truly this man was the Son of God," after Jesus is crucified. The reason this is entertaining is that he says it in typical John Wayne fashion: stoicly, and as if he was staring down a bank robber.
In the race for worst film ever, Brother from Another Planet(yeah, it's about a black alien) held a strong lead until I saw this movie. The redeeming quality of the alien movie was that the guy pulled out his eye, planted it in a flower, and used it as a spy camera. And so, The Greatest Story Ever Told, you take the cake. Congratulations. My only hope is that tonight's movie, Jesus of Nazareth, won't make me rename the title of my post.
Apparently, this thing had a $20 million budget in 1965! Like holy smokes, man. It was an absolute flop though, and with good reason. Imagine if you got inspiration to make a movie about Jesus, and then thought, "I want to take all the dull and exciting moments in the life of Jesus and synergize them with the captivating emotional power of the genealogy narratives." Yeah. There was one redeeming quality to the movie. John Wayne plays the centurion who says, "Truly this man was the Son of God," after Jesus is crucified. The reason this is entertaining is that he says it in typical John Wayne fashion: stoicly, and as if he was staring down a bank robber.
In the race for worst film ever, Brother from Another Planet(yeah, it's about a black alien) held a strong lead until I saw this movie. The redeeming quality of the alien movie was that the guy pulled out his eye, planted it in a flower, and used it as a spy camera. And so, The Greatest Story Ever Told, you take the cake. Congratulations. My only hope is that tonight's movie, Jesus of Nazareth, won't make me rename the title of my post.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
The heat...THE HEAT...MY GOD, THE HEAT!!!
Sheep on the right goats on the left. What does one do when they find themselves in the middle of heat that singes the skin if you spend more than an hour in direct contact with it, barring protection of course. There seems to be an element of goat-like environment here in that sense.
And before I get too far into the hell analogies, I should note that there is very little weeping and gnashing of teeth going on. We hit 100 today(Wednesday and Thursday) with a heat index of 115, 100% humidity. As choir director Dan Landis put it: "I don't know how you have 100% humidity and still be able to breathe."
My congregation sent 20 people to help me move in. If there were any more excitement around here, the "Pee your pants terror alert" would be sunburn red. I find myself, as well, overly excited about being in this place, if only they could develop the technology for effective external air conditioning.
Here's some pictures of my Hizzle:
And before I get too far into the hell analogies, I should note that there is very little weeping and gnashing of teeth going on. We hit 100 today(Wednesday and Thursday) with a heat index of 115, 100% humidity. As choir director Dan Landis put it: "I don't know how you have 100% humidity and still be able to breathe."
My congregation sent 20 people to help me move in. If there were any more excitement around here, the "Pee your pants terror alert" would be sunburn red. I find myself, as well, overly excited about being in this place, if only they could develop the technology for effective external air conditioning.
Here's some pictures of my Hizzle:
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