How this escaped me before, I'll never have any clue. Why on earth aren't we having high-noon showdowns anymore? Maybe it's because of the blood, exposing children to violence, loud noises which might scare our horses, or perhaps that accessorizing for a revolver has not quite come back as quick as bell bottoms. I think the answer to obliterate(in a non-violent way) this question lies within the awesome power of the digital camera.
With the digicam quickdraw, you have definitive proof of who snapped the schot first, just by looking at the lcd screens. Naturally, there are better models of cameras for the quickdraw, but are you willing to spend the extra dough just to make sure that you win that next draw. It's no longer about life and death, but about not having your picture taken with your camera aimed provocatively at your crotch. For shame, young pervert.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Great Ideas: The Pee Room
In an attempt to create a more European flare in my life, I've decided that at some point along the way, I would like a pee wall in my house. Imagine, if you will, a urinal posted on a wall only extended from one wall to the other. An entire wall you can pee on! When you flip the light switch upon entering the bathroom, it starts a waterfall which washes the entire wall.
"That's a good start," you say, "but I need more." Alright, how about this: we put a scoreboard at the top of the wall, and two large buttons at opposite ends. A timer starts when you begin urination, and you have to sprint back and forth from one end to the other, trying to get the highest score. Naturally, there will be a high score record maintained.
"Now you're talkin'," you say, "but would I want to drive fifteen minutes just to pee on your wall?" Well, no. Not if that was the final plan, so lets up the ante a bit. Scratch the wall; make the entire room the urinal, and have a rotating platform in the middle, surrounded by targets on four sides. It keeps the spirit of the competition alive, while adding a difficulty and freedom to the experience.
"Holy cow, that's amazing!" you exclaim. Perhaps, but in order to make this phenomenon achieve international appeal, it needs more beef. And so, the final touch to the Pee Room: A hydraulic char/lift. Now you have 16 different targets all at different levels which will light in random order giving you the opportunity to create an amusement ride out of your next bathroom trip!
"That sounds like you'd pee on yourself quite a bit." Well, we are prepared for such problems, which is why there is a dressing room corridor, where you strip down before entering, and which will also hose you off before you adorn your t-shirt and jeans once again.
"Never before has urination been so fascinating." -Chicago Sun Times
"That's a good start," you say, "but I need more." Alright, how about this: we put a scoreboard at the top of the wall, and two large buttons at opposite ends. A timer starts when you begin urination, and you have to sprint back and forth from one end to the other, trying to get the highest score. Naturally, there will be a high score record maintained.
"Now you're talkin'," you say, "but would I want to drive fifteen minutes just to pee on your wall?" Well, no. Not if that was the final plan, so lets up the ante a bit. Scratch the wall; make the entire room the urinal, and have a rotating platform in the middle, surrounded by targets on four sides. It keeps the spirit of the competition alive, while adding a difficulty and freedom to the experience.
"Holy cow, that's amazing!" you exclaim. Perhaps, but in order to make this phenomenon achieve international appeal, it needs more beef. And so, the final touch to the Pee Room: A hydraulic char/lift. Now you have 16 different targets all at different levels which will light in random order giving you the opportunity to create an amusement ride out of your next bathroom trip!
"That sounds like you'd pee on yourself quite a bit." Well, we are prepared for such problems, which is why there is a dressing room corridor, where you strip down before entering, and which will also hose you off before you adorn your t-shirt and jeans once again.
"Never before has urination been so fascinating." -Chicago Sun Times
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Random Thought of the Day
Of all the things that robots and machines could take over from humans, I think the one I am most comfortable with is washing dishes.
Monday, June 18, 2007
What Animal Would I Be?
Far more important than your favorite letter (R), or your favorite number (3), or even your favorite Teletubby (Tinky Winky), is the question of your favorite animal. But I'm going one step further, and I am going to ask of myself, and make a case for what animal I would want to be.
I would want to be a turtle.
I would want to be a turtle.
Upsides:
- Turtles don't give a crap what you have to say about anything, they're just always mellow.
- Ability to change into "Leave me the f- alone" mode without much work/fit throwing.
- Hard candy shell prevents melting in mouth and hand.
- Only needs to know how to count to four, afer that, no more digits = unimportant.
- Works on land and water.
- Drop babies in a hole in the ground and walk away.
- Not as harvested as chickens.
- Everyone thinks it's cool when they see you
Downsides:
- Almost guaranteed not to win an Olympic Gold Medal.
- Genetic mutations not quite as cool as other species. (Splinter > Leonardo)
- Worse hops than white men.
- No more steaks.
All in all, I'd say not a bad swap. I'd be alright being a turtle.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Random Thought of the Day
I never realized the irony of the line "I'm gonna drop you like a bad habit." The bad habits are the ones we never seem to shake, unless of course you're talking about an old nun's habit...in which case close your eyes.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Random Thought of the Day
What substance to you have to add one of in order to turn a biscuit into a triscuit?
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