So I wake up this morning, get through my standard half-hour of drooling over myself as I look in the mirror, and march gallantly off to chapel. When what to my wondering eyes should appear1 but freakin nothing cuz my eyes were all blurry.2
Sure enough, as soon as I sit down in front of a computer, Yahoo news shows a story about how vision loss is going to double in the next fifteen years. Why don't I jab my eyes out now, and help move that statistic along. I blame Yahoo news, who, in their attempt to monopolize the internet search industry, crept into my bedroom while I was sleeping and sprayed petroleum jelly in my eyes with an aerosol can. Expect a news story tomorrow about how communion bread that makes you cough could be giving you kidney problems.
1 Wrong season, but it was freakin cold outside recently.3
2 Are you sure that doesn't rhyme?4
3,4 Footnotes suck.
5 Endnotes suck too. 5
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